Waiting On The Light to Change
by AnnaKendrick47
Summary: Chloe thought Beca loved her, she thought the two would stay together forever. But one day, this idea changes when she steps into her house and doesn't find the brunette. Now, Aubrey's trying to make her best friend stay alive.


_Hey guys, this is a oneshot I just thought of. I'll warn you, this is graphic and may be strong to many people._

* * *

**Waiting On the Light to Change**

_Put your defense down  
Open your heart and lay all of it out  
I know how hard it sounds  
But loneliness will have its way  
In feeding your doubts_

I don't know how long it has been. I don't know why it happened. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, but if you asked me for any details, I wouldn't tell you much. Some words would slip out of my mouth as my voice broke and tears filled my eyes.

Aubrey has come, Stacie, Fat Amy, Lilly, Jessica, Ashley, Cynthia Rose, all the Bellas. They all came, offered a hug and some mindless conversation. As always, they know I can't concentrate. They don't expect me to. They just want to let me know that they are there and that they'd always be there. That doesn't matter to me anymore. Honestly, nothing matters.

How could I know, though? She never mentioned anything to me, neither did her parents. I never knew she would do something like that to me, to us, to everyone. No one thought it could be true, everyone thought I was kidding, that this would be another one of our jokes as a couple.

We loved to do it, especially to Aubrey. We'd find whatever reason to make her go crazy and make her face pale. It was her favorite joke. I remember one time, we made Stacie believe we actually had sex on her bed, she didn't speak for two whole minutes. She just stared at us. By then, we couldn't keep our laughter, we just laughed hysterically and told her it was not true. She hit us both with the pillows, I'm pretty sure she'd still be mad if it wasn't for what happened.

_I'm waiting on the light  
Waiting on the light to change  
I'm chasing out the lies  
Chasing out the lies that keep you caged  
I'm waiting, waiting on the light to change_

Up until today I still look for it. I look for the reasons, I look for any little major thing, but your father can't tell me, he doesn't know himself and your mom is too hurt to talk about anything that involves you. It kills me, too. If _fucking _kills me, too, but everyone knows it, except they expect me to be 'healed' by now. How can I be?

Happy memories only make me cry harder than the sad ones. I remember you saying stuff like we'd be married pretty soon. God, you were so excited about that. You even mentioned having a kid with me. A girl that looked just like me, that we could name it Olivia. I would never have guessed you of all people would want a kid. I always figured you'd be a great mother, though. Gentle, caring, teaching little Olivia about music. Sure, Olivia would look just like me, but she'd be all you. Your personality, your ways, she'd probably tell me by the age of four that she'd also want tattoos and ear spikes just like her cool mom, and we'd smile at her, you telling her that she could totally get it when she got older, me arguing and saying my daughter was too young to be thinking about that. I'd win the argument there, but you'd turn to Olivia and you two would smirk at each other and I'd know I had no say in that matter.

So that's why I keep asking myself: why? I will never get why you did what you did. I think just being with me would keep you here, by my side. I guess I wasn't enough, huh? I guess the thought of having little Olivia wasn't enough either. Poor kid, she wasn't even born yet and you rejected her. You rejected your whole present and the possibility of a very bright future I _knew _you'd have. I knew you'd make it big as a music producer, you were already quite famous.

I remember our wedding day. You had been so nervous, yet so incredibly beautiful. You even made Aubrey cry. You laughed about that later. I had been so happy to be finally Mrs. Chloe Beale-Mitchell. I was so happy to be spending eternity with you. Eternity. Shitty word. I guess I was too blind, too in love to actually see that we wouldn't last forever. And now I see that it's all my fault. It was all me. I took you away from me.

_No matter what's inside  
There is nothing you can say  
To cause me to hide  
You know I'm broken too  
I've fallen far, I lost my faith  
Been found, made new_

She'd be surprised if I said I was terribly broken. Aubrey says I've lost my glow, my eyes no longer sparkle and my personality can no longer be described as 'bubbly'. My parents call me everyday, but I don't answer. I have don't want to answer; I don't want to speak to anyone else. The only person I'd kill to speak to is no longer with me, so why bother?

I still remember her father's words to me;

_"Don't worry, Chloe. She loved you, you were her everything. You made her happy, you made her complete."_

That's bullshit. If I made her so happy, so complete, she wouldn't have done what she did. That's for sure.

I wasn't her everything, I didn't make her happy. I made her unhappy, if it wasn't for me, she'd still be here. With me. But she's not, she chose to leave me. And I blame myself for it. Every. Fucking. Day.

_I'm waiting on the light  
Waiting on the light to change  
I'm chasing out the lies  
Chasing out the lies  
That keep you caged  
I'm waiting, waiting on the light to change_

_Oh, love won't let you go  
It bends and reaches low  
Just let go_

I don't know how I'm still breathing now. I don't leave the house. I don't do any of the things you'd tell me to do; live, go outside, lay by the pool getting tan (as much tan as I can get. You always called my tan an 'albino tan'.), going out with Aubrey and Stacie, listening to music, singing at the top of my lungs.

I don't get out of the house. _Our _house. I don't eat anymore. I don't know my actual weight, but Aubrey says I look like a walking skeleton. I believe her, I feel terrible. The last time I looked at myself in the mirror, I had dark circles under my eyes, my face was kind of sucked in, my skin looked paler than normal. Once in a while I still faint, and only wake up when Aubrey's here, forcing water and some biscuits down my throat, otherwise I don't eat _at_ _all. _She says if I keep it up, she'll have to send me to some hospital, doing treatment against Anorexia, which is what it looks like.

I honestly, don't bother to take care of myself anymore. Aubrey usually throws me under the shower and she often has to wash me. She never complains, she usually cries, claiming I'm killing myself slowly. I listen to her, but I never do anything. I know I'm dying slowly, but I no longer feel alive, so what's the point?

The last time Aubrey and Stacie took me clubbing, was weeks before you left. I didn't do anything except for cry, which made the two take me home and take care of me. That's what people do nowadays, you know. They take care of me as if I were a baby.

The only thing I _do _do is go to the bathroom, because I don't feel like staying on my bed, peeing and pooping all over myself. That would be completely disgusting.

I notice Aubrey coming in and, once again, she's crying. It looks like that's the only thing she does now: look me and cry.

"Chloe…" she whispers. "Chloe, please, get up and… do something. It kills me everytime I have to see you like this. You're dying, Chloe, you're dying faster and faster everyday!"

I look at her, but she can tell I'm not really listening.

"Please, go to a hospital, go get something to eat! I can't… if you die, Chloe, I don't know what I'm gonna do, you're my best friend, I can't lose you." Aubrey pleaded. "Please, Chloe, don't die. Don't do this to yourself!"

I almost chuckle, but not at her face.

"What's the point?" I ask.

"The point?" I nod. "Chloe, I love you, I _fucking _love you like a sister I wish I'd had. I can't watch you slowly die like this. I… I'm always here for you, you know that, but forgive me for what I'm going to say: I was there for you since you were five, I made you laugh, I endured your bubbly, adorable personality for twenty years now and just because Beca's not here anymore you're choosing to die? There are still people out there who love you and care about you, you know. Your parents, they've been worried _sick _about you, they call me everyday to ask how you're doing and your mother cries for hours on end. The girls and I try to make you see that it's no worth dying, we all love you, we don't want to see you hurt." She tells me.

"She… She's not here, Aubrey." My eyes fill with tears I didn't know I have left.

"I know she's not, Chloe, we all know that." Aubrey nodded. "We're all broken, too. But we can't lose you, too. Please, listen to me, I know you never did, but this is some serious shit, Chloe. _Please._"

I looked into her eyes, there was sadness, misery and despair.

"But… she left."

"We're not asking you to forget about Beca, Chlo, we're asking you to take care of yourself. I bet Beca wouldn't want you to stay home and starve yourself to death. You have to honor her, Chloe. I'm not asking you to forget and move on, you don't have to. You can mourn, but not the way you are doing it." Aubrey says again, grabbing my hand. "You have to stay alive, Chloe. Do it for her."

I look at her, crying. Everytime someone mentions Beca, my heart sinks. Again. She's my weakness, after all.

"Will you stay with me tonight, Brey?" I ask her, my voice so small I didn't know it was mine.

Aubrey smiles, kissing my hand.

"Of course I will. I'll do anything for you." She lays down next to me and hugs me.

_I'm waiting on the light  
Waiting on the light to change  
I'm chasing out the lies  
Chasing out the lies  
That keep you caged  
I'm waiting, waiting for the light to change_

I stay like that in Aubrey's arms, crying. I cry until my body is so exhausted that I fall asleep. I hate falling asleep, because the nightmare always comes.

_I opened the door to my house in LA, feeling horrible. The night before I had had an argument with Beca and we both didn't take it very well. I slept at Aubrey's, wanting to cool off before I came back to discuss with Beca and apologize._

_I placed my groceries on the kitchen and went upstairs to our bedroom and sighed when I didn't see my wife. I noticed a note on the bed, though, with my name on it. I quickly grabbed it and began reading;_

Dear Chloe,

I'm sorry. I'm such a failure, I wished you've gotten a better person. I guess there's no use sticking around, then. Don't worry, I know you'll make it big, Chlo. I know you'll be a great singer, I know you'll marry a wonderful girl, someone that doesn't hold you back, someone who loves you and someone who will be proud to be a mom to little Olivia.

Tell Aubrey she'd been right all along. I'm a horrible person, maybe you should've never met me, after all. Your life would've been so much better, then.

I'm sorry, Chloe. I disappointed you, I did the one thing I promised I'd never do. I left you. But don't worry, you don't have to worry about anything else anymore. I guess you can just leave the house and don't worry about me anymore. You don't have to take this note, even.

I want you to know I really love you, though. I wish I wasn't such a coward on the way I left you, though. Maybe one day, you can show my picture to little Olivia and tell me stuff about me, that is if you don't hate me.

I love you so much, Chlo. You will alwaysbe in my heart. I love you.

Forever yours,

Beca

_By the time I finished reading, I was crying. Why would Beca leave? She was perfect the way she was. I just wanted to jump in her arms and hug her, telling her we'd be okay and that she didn't have to run away._

_I instantly grabbed my phone and dialed her number, waiting for her to pick it up so we could talk. I heard the phone rang, though. I frowned, going into the bathroom. My eyes widened._

_The phone was lying there, in a pool of blood. Near it, lied Beca's body. She was facing down, her head to the side. Her forehead had been bleeding, but the blood was dry. There was a deep cut on her neck, wrists and chest. There was so much, I didn't know what to do._

_I knelt down beside her and picked her up, cupping her cold, freezing cheeks, my eyes already filling with tears._

_"Beca! Beca, babe!" I shook her. "Beca, no!" I continued shaking her desperately. _

_I felt like Rose, trying to wake Jack up. 'There's a boat, Jack!'. For me, I wanted to say 'There's hope, Beca!'._

_"Beca, please!" I continued calling her, touching her forehead. "Beca, please don't go! Please, wake up!"_

_I was covered her in her blood by now, hugging her close to me._

_"Beca!" I screamed. I tried to feel her pulse, but it was gone. "No! Beca, please, please, wake up!"_

_I cried, then I reached for my phone and dialed 911._

_"911, what's your emergency?" a woman operator asked._

_"Yes, please, my wife just tried to commit suicide! I need help, please!" I yelled into the phone._

_"Okay, we've located you and an ambulance is on its way right now." She told me. "Miss, I will ask you to please stay on the line."_

_"Yes. But please hurry!" I said, crying._

_"Help is on its way, miss." She assured me. "I need you to make sure your front door is unlocked."_

_"Okay, okay. I'll… I'll be right back." I turned to Beca. "Babe, please, don't die, I'll be right back."_

_I ran to the front door and unlocked it, then came back to the bathroom to hold Beca._

_"Please, hurry, she's so cold!" I said._

_"What is your girlfriend's name?" she asked me._

_"Beca Mitchell." I said._

_"Does she have a pulse?" _

_"No, she doesn't." I said. "Please, please, hurry!"_

_"An ambulance it's okay its way, miss." She told me. "Can you keep the wounds pressured?"_

_"Alright I can, hold on!" _

_With shaky hands, I put the phone down, putting it on speaker, then I grabbed some towels and put them on Beca's wounds, trying to keep pressure on them all._

_I then heard someone run up the stairs and I close my eyes, praying to God that's a good thing._

_The paramedics soon found me and, unfortunately, pulled me away from Beca. They put her on a stretcher and took her to the hospital. I went with her, holding her hand as I called her parents and the girls._

_Aubrey was the first one to get there in the hospital, crying as well. She held me tight, ignoring Beca's blood, as we waited for some news. I tried to calm myself down, but I couldn't. I just couldn't._

_The doctor soon appeared and Aubrey and I stood up, going towards him._

_"How is my wife, doctor?" I asked him. "Please tell me she's gonna be okay."_

_"I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Mitchell, but it looks like your wife is dead." He said and my face went blank. "We tried to resuscitate her, but it didn't work. She's been dead for about eight to nine hours."_

_"Oh my God." It was Aubrey who said it. _

_"No." I whispered._

_"Here's her belongings." He handed me a plastic bag with her phone, wedding ring and ear spikes in it. I just took it and stared at it for a long time._

_The last thing I remember is being dragged back to the chairs by Aubrey. Then everything went blank for me._

_Then I remember seeing it all white, listening to Beca's laughter. _

_I took a step forward, looking around, confused. I noticed now I was back to my old self, normal weight, normal skin tone, bright blue eyes and fiery red hair._

_"Chloe!" _

_I turned my head and saw my wife standing there, with a small smile. My eyes filled with years as I ran towards her, hugging her tightly as she hugged me back. I could feel her again, her soft hair, her voice, her scent. It was her again, it was my love again, she was with me again._

_"Beca." I pulled away from her and stared at her, crying. "You're here."_

_"Chlo, I'm here to ask you one thing." She told me. "I see what you're doing to yourself, I don't like to see you hurt."_

_"You left. You left me." I cried._

_"I know and I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you like that." She began crying, too._

_"I miss you." _

_"I miss you, too, my love." She smiled at me and I kissed her. "But I can't keep watching you die slowly."_

_"I just want to be with you again." _

_"You are! If you see the right way, you'll see I never truly left you." She said. "I'll be always here." She placed a hand over my heart. _

_"I don't wanna live without you, Beca." I said again._

_"I promise, every night, I'll be in your dreams. I'll be down there with you, watching over you." She said._

_"Please." I whispered._

_"But only if you promise _me _that you'll eat again, you'll take care of yourself and that you'll be the old Chloe I love." She said._

_"I promise, baby." I said and she hugged me again._

_We stayed like that for a long time. I was enjoying that moment, knowing once I woke up, she'd be gone._

_"Aubrey's right. There are people down there who love you and don't want to see you hurt. Don't make the same mistake I did. I see now the consequences." She cupped my cheek. "I wish I hadn't hurt you, so I don't want you to do something you'll regret."_

_"I won't." I said. "Where am I?" I asked, looking around._

_"You were dying, you had a heart attack. I came here to try and make you fight for your life." She told me. "Aubrey's down there, calling 911. You'll wake up in the hospital."_

_I nodded._

_"Promise me you'll fight for your life and you won't die." She said._

_"I promise." I said._

_"I love you, never forget that." She said._

_"I love you, too. I'll never forget you." I cried harder as I kissed her, feeling myself waking up._

I woke up feeling weird. My heart hurt, my head hurt and it was spinning. I felt something in my arm and I noticed I was hooked to an IV. I looked around and I found Aubrey sitting on the chair next to my head. She was crying, embracing herself, but when she noticed I was awake she started crying harder.

"Thank God, you're awake, Chloe!" she said. "I thought you were going to die!"

"Me too." I said. "Beca said I had a heart attack."

"You did, but… what?" she asked, confused.

"I had a nightmare about the day she… killed herself." I said, crying. "Then I woke up and she was there. She told me she was sorry for what she did and she didn't want to see me doing the same. She said I was dying, but she was there to make me see I should fight for my life."

Aubrey listened to me, shocked. I'm not sure she believes in these things, but it's true.

"I promised her I wouldn't die. I would fight for my life." I said, then looked up at Aubrey. "I'm sorry, Brey. I… I'm sorry I almost killed myself."

"You're back now, that's what counts." Aubrey said, hugging me as we cried. "Thanks for not letting go."

"I guess we should thank Beca." I said, putting a hand over my heart with a sad smile.

Beca Mitchell left my life in a way I never thought she would. But she found her way back in. Every night, I dream of her, she's with me through my dreams. I went back to my old self; bubbly, tan, bright blue eyes and optimistic. Everyone started thanking Beca for this miracle. I never forgot her. I made it big. I became a singer and mentioned Beca's name every chance I got.

I love Beca, I never got remarried and I visited her grave everyday and talked to her. After a few years I decided I should be a single mom so I went to a sperm bank and chose a sperm donor.

I gave birth to a little girl, but instead of naming her Olivia, I named her Beca. Beca Angel Beale-Mitchell. I wanted her to have her mother's name. Aubrey found the gesture adorable and she helped me taking care of little Beca the first months.

Beca was a happy, energetic kid. She said she wanted to be like her mom when she grew up; full of tattoos, ear spikes and beautiful. I told her she could be anything she wanted. She looked like she had Beca's spirit. She loved music and loved Titanium. She was way too smart for her age. A psychologist told me she had an IQ of 130.

Beca and I were very close and I'm sure Beca was smiling down at us up in Heaven. She is our angel now and she'd always be. I'd never ever forget her.


End file.
